Girl Talk - Where You Can Buy Success in the Coffee Break

The lights are relaxedly dimmed and lime juice cordial and iced water sparkle invitingly on green baize. Lisa Ford makes her en­trance. She is expensively but discreetly dressed: the right suit with the right hemline, low-heeled shoes, high-necked blouse, the mini mum of good jewellery. She hails from Atlanta, Georgia, and she' as fresh as if she'd just stepped out of the shower.

Close on two hundred women in business, government, and the

professions have come to learn how to project themselves. By four

o'clock today, I shall have crystallised my self-knowledge, dramatised my commitment goals, and eliminated the credibility robbers in my speech patterns. My body language will speak volumes.

«Excuse me, Joe», I shall be able to say, when interrupted by a male colleague. Men interrupt women 76 per cent more often than they interrupt men. It is just another symptom of their sublime arrog­ance. «Excuse me, Joe», - clear and direct, not submissive, my hand up, but close to the body without aggression, the gesture that says subliminally: Stop. 'I would like to finish making this point/

Note, that I did not say, tentatively, «Er, Joe, I'm sorry, but would you, -er-kind of mind if 1-er-added something? I mean, you probably won't think this is at all important, and of course, do feel free to sort of, well, criticise it if you like, but I'd just like to say...» And when Joe congratulates me on my profundity, I shall swallow the good British instinct that might lead me to say, self-effacinghly. «Gosh. It was nothing!» and say, as a man would, «Thank you When you are as talented as I am, it comes naturally».

The lights are gleaming now on a glossy video held aloft: Success and Self-Programming. We can buy it during the coffee break. We should share our knowledge because knowledge is power. Okay, let's get down to counteracting our stereotypes. Women, as we all know, are seen as too emotional, lacking the ability to handle criticism. Women are seen as having nothing important to say. Women make it worse for themselves by voicing their anxieties. I must avoid-robbing appearance mistakes and mannerisms that say I am a light-weight. «Powerless people smile to please», warns Lisa.

Women are expected to smile, where men aren't. I must develop a strategy for investing in my own image: promote myself for positive visibility. Being decisive is a power skill - I must breeze into the office on Monday morning full of positive thoughts and ready to defuse un­warranted criticism.

Like toothpaste, it's the inner ring of confidence that counts be­cause as Lisa says: «The scary thing is, around 80 per cent of our in­ternal dialogue is negative». That's okay as far as it goes. I'm not knocking assertiveness training or the teaching of techniques to combat sexism. But isn't it frightfully un-British? I've got this unea­sy feeling that if we all package ourselves as the self-projectionists advocate, we'll produce a race of all-American clones.

Please, may I hang on to my occasional bursts of temper or bouts of moodiness? Do you mind my crooked teeth? On the way to school, I used to take out my hated brace as soon as I was out of sight of the house. When the dentist expressed mystification that the treatment wasn't working, and I had to defend myself by saying that I found it difficult to splutter German through all the metalwork, he told me sternly that I would later regret my vanity. My teeth are not perfect. But I can speak German.

Now an American miss would not have done this. American misses know that confidence is engendered through a flashing smile. It is engendered, too, through a high school and college education which positively encourages self-promotion and self-analysis. Amer­ican misses would have no reservations about writing a «Dear Boss» letter as advocated by this seminar in order to increase value and vi­sibility. It would not stick in their throat to say, «Thanks for approv­ing my attendance at the Image and Self-Projection Workshop. I learned a lot! Here are some of the highlights».

No, allow me a bit of unpredictability, please. Woman, after all, is at best a contradiction still. Sorry, Joe. You wanted to say something?

(Pat Ashworth, The Guardian)